It's rare that I have nothing to say. It feels weird for me not be able to come up with enough words to comfort someone. But with something like a horrible accident involving a child, there is just nothing that I can say. I've said the obligatory, "I'm so sorry this happened. Sending positive thoughts your way." But that doesn't adequately do anything. I guess it lets the parents know that people care, which is important, but it doesn't change anything.
Saying sorry does not change the fact that their child, while technically "alive" may be a vegetable for the rest of his life. It doesn't honor who that child was in the 6 years that he lived a happy, normal life. It does not help his brothers, the ones who led him to the ditch, deal with a tragedy that they know could have been helped if they hadn't run off with him. It does nothing.
Living over one hundred miles from this tragedy inhibits my ability to do anything and it kills me. I have known these people for almost ten years. Though we were never the best of friends, we would have been if not for outside intervention of a gossipy kind. I can't help but feel pathetic as I search for some kind of comfort for these people that I have known for so long, but never had the pleasure to really learn about.
I have met this child, I knew him before he was born. I knew him when he was nothing more than cells and morning sickness. But now, as people do when something tragic happens to a person they don't know well enough, I wish I could have known him better. I wish I could have seen his light, his childhood wonder at everything new.
This 6 year old little boy means everything to his family, as he should. And it breaks my heart to know that they have a long, hard road ahead of them at best, and the worst decision a parent should ever have to make at worst.
We love you, Gage, even those of us who didn't know you well. We all hope and/or pray for a miracle, one I have seen before. Keep trying to reach for the nurses and your parents. Keep fighting to get out of the dark. You have so much to live for, little one. So many people who love you. Every last person will understand if you let go, but we all hope you keep fighting. Beautiful little boy, we are all sorry that this happened, and would all take it back if we could, protect you if there had been any possibility of doing such.
Again Gage, we love you so much, and hope you can fight hard. We all just want to see you smile again. And to your parents, you always do your best. Keep smiling for him, never for us.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Thursday, May 24, 2012
This is great!
In response to: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sparker/daughter-inappropriate-outfit-school_b_1539939.html?icid=maing-grid7%7Cmain5%7Cdl11%7Csec1_lnk3%26pLid%3D163657
Awesome story by the way.
When I was 14, as this girl is, pretty much every girl I saw was dressed more provocatively than this. Now, I would probably comment about how they are "Prosti-Tots", but back then it was the norm. My high school did not have any kind of dress code until I was a Senior. And even then, it was about as stringent as, "No backless shirts." None of this school uniform crap, not even, "girls have to wear bras" stuff. Nope, basically most girls just wore as little as they could get out of the house with, except me. I don't think I owned a skirt that was shorter than my ankles, but hey, the Doc Martens I wore with the skirt made a statement all their own.
It amazes me what parents actually let their kids buy when it comes to "school clothes". I am sorry but a swatch of fabric does not a skirt make. Looking around the elementary or junior high schools in Nevada is a hillarious state of affairs. Tube tops, which nobody should wear, have been embraced as skirts. Little tiny "baby t's", usually 5 sizes too small, are normal for everyday wear.
If you go to Texas, it's even worse! You would figure, with all of the conservative adults there, that the girls would be at least a little more covered. I have never seen more teenage girl ass in my life. Now for teenage boys, this is great. They get a little T&A everyday, even if they aren't really getting any. But look out a window and there is a not even half dressed girl walking down the street. GET A MOOMOO. Or at least a full pair of shorts...please. I do not need to see the inside of your pockets hanging out of the bottom of the underwear you are passing off as regular clothes. First of all, that just looks stupid, secondly, your ass is hanging out of the back.
Basically, what I am saying is, for the love of gods put on some clothes. You will look just as good if your shorts come mid thigh instead of mid ass. I did not even bother really get into shirts since the article was about a skirt that was 1/2 an inch too short. I am sure I will rant about Prosti-Tot cleavage some other day.
Awesome story by the way.
When I was 14, as this girl is, pretty much every girl I saw was dressed more provocatively than this. Now, I would probably comment about how they are "Prosti-Tots", but back then it was the norm. My high school did not have any kind of dress code until I was a Senior. And even then, it was about as stringent as, "No backless shirts." None of this school uniform crap, not even, "girls have to wear bras" stuff. Nope, basically most girls just wore as little as they could get out of the house with, except me. I don't think I owned a skirt that was shorter than my ankles, but hey, the Doc Martens I wore with the skirt made a statement all their own.
It amazes me what parents actually let their kids buy when it comes to "school clothes". I am sorry but a swatch of fabric does not a skirt make. Looking around the elementary or junior high schools in Nevada is a hillarious state of affairs. Tube tops, which nobody should wear, have been embraced as skirts. Little tiny "baby t's", usually 5 sizes too small, are normal for everyday wear.
If you go to Texas, it's even worse! You would figure, with all of the conservative adults there, that the girls would be at least a little more covered. I have never seen more teenage girl ass in my life. Now for teenage boys, this is great. They get a little T&A everyday, even if they aren't really getting any. But look out a window and there is a not even half dressed girl walking down the street. GET A MOOMOO. Or at least a full pair of shorts...please. I do not need to see the inside of your pockets hanging out of the bottom of the underwear you are passing off as regular clothes. First of all, that just looks stupid, secondly, your ass is hanging out of the back.
Basically, what I am saying is, for the love of gods put on some clothes. You will look just as good if your shorts come mid thigh instead of mid ass. I did not even bother really get into shirts since the article was about a skirt that was 1/2 an inch too short. I am sure I will rant about Prosti-Tot cleavage some other day.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Days seem to all be melting together right now. I seriously can't determind what happened today or yesterday or last week. I feel like I'm slowly melting together like the days I can't get a handle on. I am not a person that likes structure, or I never was before. Now I think it might be nice to have some sort of balance in life. I don't feel like i know what I'm doing anymore, so maybe it would be nice to have some sort of forethought to something at least.
Maybe I should go back to school, since work isn't working out so well. I feel like I've lost myself in life. Maybe I just need some time alone to gather my thoughts. Nothing drastic, just like a couple of days out of the hosue. Or maybe I need some friends. I honestly don't know anymore.
I sit here bored a lot. And I mean A LOT. I am consistently overwhelmed by everything. I don't have any one direction that I'm moving towards, I feel stagnant.
There are so many things I want to do, but they aren't feasable because of money or time or kids.
Boredom has taken over, and when that happens, I have no idea how to break out of it. Which is the whole point to this blog, trying to figure out what I can do. I can write, though not how I used to. I can't seem to hold one thought long enough to produce anything worth really reading. Ugh, I'm in a funk and can't seem to crawl my way out.
Maybe I should go back to school, since work isn't working out so well. I feel like I've lost myself in life. Maybe I just need some time alone to gather my thoughts. Nothing drastic, just like a couple of days out of the hosue. Or maybe I need some friends. I honestly don't know anymore.
I sit here bored a lot. And I mean A LOT. I am consistently overwhelmed by everything. I don't have any one direction that I'm moving towards, I feel stagnant.
There are so many things I want to do, but they aren't feasable because of money or time or kids.
Boredom has taken over, and when that happens, I have no idea how to break out of it. Which is the whole point to this blog, trying to figure out what I can do. I can write, though not how I used to. I can't seem to hold one thought long enough to produce anything worth really reading. Ugh, I'm in a funk and can't seem to crawl my way out.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Mother's Day 2012
Before I was a mom, Mother's Day meant nothing aside from calling my mother and grandmother a Happy Mother's Day! I never realized it would end up being more than another Hallmark Holliday, or that I would even care about it at all.
My first Mother's Day was okay. Living with in-laws kind of made it awkward, but at least someone said something. Mother In Law said Happy Mother's Day!, my mom called and I called my grandmother. It wasn't anything great, but the little one wasn't quite 1 year old, so I wasn't expecting much.
My second Mother's Day I don't remember much aside from working a graveyard shift the night before. So I slept through most of it, but hey, I got sleep. Being pregnant, having an almost 2 year old and working didn't allow for much of that. Again, got calls and Happy Mother's Days from friends on Facebook, people at work and family.
This year, well this year sucked fucking balls. I might not have a job, but I am no less a mother. Having an almost 3 year old this time and a 7 month old doesn't leave me with all that much time. Pookums let me sleep in, after getting up with the Little Girl 4 times in a 5 hour period. He even came in and got her so I could keep sleeping...that extra 2 hours of uninterrupted sleep is priceless...then I woke up. To yelling...no, screaming. Little Girl was screaming at top volume right outside of the bedroom door because Little Man had walked out of the room. Pookums is trying to keep as calm as possible, failing a little and I can't blame him.
I grab my glasses off of the Colossus action figure hung above our bed and venture out of the bedroom, something I would regret for the majority of the day.
I never realized how hard it would be to potty train a kid...really how hard could it be? You trade in diapers for Pull-Ups and ask them if they need to go every hour or so, right? Wow, I was stupid. Really really stupid. All the screaming from Little Girl was in response to Little Man trying to use the potty. P took off his nighttime Pull-Up and told him to go use the potty, nothing could go wrong...until LG decided that LM is her entire world. I guess in her sweet LG brain, her brother is her best friend, the only person in the world that matters. In a way, this is great, until LM has to pee. Then he is torn between this screaming demon that was once his little sister and REALLY having to go. Fortunately, this morning, he was naked, so to the bathroom he went. And then he came out, and went back in and out and in and out and in and out...and so on until he finally used the potty. Just a couple of drops, but hey, it was something. I know I couldn't perform under that kind of pressure, I have no idea how his already jumbled toddler brain managed to do it.
Anyway, most mothers wake up to an at least halfassed attempt at breakfast in bed. I got to make LM oatmeal. He did manage to eat it himself though, which is why I decided to make it lumpy and sticky...so I didn't have to help. Yeah, I know, mother of the year over here...I need a fuckin break.
After the screamfest from LG she was tired. Or hungry...maybe both? She had no clue what the hell she wanted. First we tried to feed her...yeah, that didn't work. She just kept blowing bubbles with the milk and hissing...her weird way of communicatig that she's happy. Okaaaay. So she starts to pass out after barely eating anything and hissing wildly while blowing milk bubbles. She's obviously ready for a nap! Yay! A tiny bit of peace. I shifted her from my lap to my shoulder, and so far so good, she only woke up a little bit...the second I laid her down on the other hand, you'd think I threw cold water on her. WIDE AWAKE. Son of a bitch. Oh well, I was sure she would pass out again in a second. I closed the door and sat down on the couch, immersed in awful kid show hell. Why the fuck is there a 12 hour Scooby Doo marathon on?
30 minutes passes and P walks out holding LG, who is wide awake and happy as a clam. Did she sleep? Nope. That's okay, at least she's happy. LM has wandered outside to the porch, which is fine, we picked some roses for my grandmother. So far, everything is calm. LM decides to start throwing every last one of his toys over the porch. *facepalm* So after dragging him back in the house for a little time out, the obligatory temper tantrum ensues because I won't go get Blankie. Why the fuck should I go get Blankie? YOU threw him off the porch....5 minutes after I got it out of the dryer for you. Wow, glad I wasted time washing him, wouldn't want to throw a dirty blankie in the bushes.
The tantrum lasted about 30 mins, I'm done. I'm going to go take a nap. P takes over. Not 10 minutes later I hear some maniacal giggling outside the window...fuck no, it better not be LM. Of course it is. God forbid Mommy take a nap without some sort of strokey toddler drama. A little yelling ensues between LM and P. Just as I start to nod off, P walks in with LG, oh yay. She falls asleep without too many weird baby noises and I get to sleep. Not an hour later, the wailing begins. Okay, fuckit, I'm up.
Off to my grandmother's house. I lovingly put her roses in the only vase like thing I have, a Coca-Cola glass. I get there and give her her roses that we picked for her...Happy Mother's Day! I expected something in return...I dunno, maybe a Happy Mother's Day for me? Nope, I get a copy of a traffic ticket I got a couple of weeks ago. Woo hoo...just what I always wanted.
So back at home, things degrade from toddler tantrum to pure toddler hell. You know, the one where everything you do or ask is completely ignored followed by yet another tantrum. Repeat until 8pm. Okay, let's go to the store. Might as well get something for dinner. Do I get some kind of nice dinner? I suggest tacos. Tacos it is...at least it's fast. Get home, make tacos, it's a group effort. Do I get to sit down and eat said tacos while there are warm? HEEEEELLLLLLLL no. LG decides she is finally hungry and tired so while I finish up dinner P feeds her. Still fussy she goes to bed, now to feed LM.
Tacos and toddlers do not mix. I really wish I would have thought about this before choosing my Mother's Day dinner. It really just involves cheese and hamburger falling all over the floor. That's okay, I don't really care at this point, I just vacuumed, so it's clean, he can eat it from there instead of the plate. I finally get to eat, tacos are good. Picking up little pieces of hamburger off the floor is not. Bad plan Mommy, bad plan. Oh well, it's now 10pm and if LM doesn't go to bed I might need a vat of Valium. Crappy cartoons: check. Blankie he whined about forever: Check. Toddler actually laying down: ... I must have been dreaming to think this would go smoothly. After the 400th time of yelling OMG JUST LAY DOWN, he's asleep.
Ahhhhh, sweet peace finally at 1am. Yes, it is now past 1am and my Happy Mother's Day is coming to a close. I am sitting here with my dear husband, people watching on City of Heroes. Let me just say, that people watching on CoH, is much more interesting than in real life. This is where the real freak show is. This has been the best part of my Crappy Mother's Day. Though this is the same game that sucked my husband's attention up all day. He actually said earlier today that he didn't know moms were supposed to get anything for Mother's Day. I simply told him, You know all those things I ask that you don't do? Like cleaning the living room, one night of interrupted sleep, not having to deal with the strokey toddler for a little while? Those are the things I really want for Mother's Day. And well, that's mostly true. Dinner and some roses would have been nice. But at the end of the day, my kids are happy (usually), healthy (until Little Man smashes his face into something again) and well adjusHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
My first Mother's Day was okay. Living with in-laws kind of made it awkward, but at least someone said something. Mother In Law said Happy Mother's Day!, my mom called and I called my grandmother. It wasn't anything great, but the little one wasn't quite 1 year old, so I wasn't expecting much.
My second Mother's Day I don't remember much aside from working a graveyard shift the night before. So I slept through most of it, but hey, I got sleep. Being pregnant, having an almost 2 year old and working didn't allow for much of that. Again, got calls and Happy Mother's Days from friends on Facebook, people at work and family.
This year, well this year sucked fucking balls. I might not have a job, but I am no less a mother. Having an almost 3 year old this time and a 7 month old doesn't leave me with all that much time. Pookums let me sleep in, after getting up with the Little Girl 4 times in a 5 hour period. He even came in and got her so I could keep sleeping...that extra 2 hours of uninterrupted sleep is priceless...then I woke up. To yelling...no, screaming. Little Girl was screaming at top volume right outside of the bedroom door because Little Man had walked out of the room. Pookums is trying to keep as calm as possible, failing a little and I can't blame him.
I grab my glasses off of the Colossus action figure hung above our bed and venture out of the bedroom, something I would regret for the majority of the day.
I never realized how hard it would be to potty train a kid...really how hard could it be? You trade in diapers for Pull-Ups and ask them if they need to go every hour or so, right? Wow, I was stupid. Really really stupid. All the screaming from Little Girl was in response to Little Man trying to use the potty. P took off his nighttime Pull-Up and told him to go use the potty, nothing could go wrong...until LG decided that LM is her entire world. I guess in her sweet LG brain, her brother is her best friend, the only person in the world that matters. In a way, this is great, until LM has to pee. Then he is torn between this screaming demon that was once his little sister and REALLY having to go. Fortunately, this morning, he was naked, so to the bathroom he went. And then he came out, and went back in and out and in and out and in and out...and so on until he finally used the potty. Just a couple of drops, but hey, it was something. I know I couldn't perform under that kind of pressure, I have no idea how his already jumbled toddler brain managed to do it.
Anyway, most mothers wake up to an at least halfassed attempt at breakfast in bed. I got to make LM oatmeal. He did manage to eat it himself though, which is why I decided to make it lumpy and sticky...so I didn't have to help. Yeah, I know, mother of the year over here...I need a fuckin break.
After the screamfest from LG she was tired. Or hungry...maybe both? She had no clue what the hell she wanted. First we tried to feed her...yeah, that didn't work. She just kept blowing bubbles with the milk and hissing...her weird way of communicatig that she's happy. Okaaaay. So she starts to pass out after barely eating anything and hissing wildly while blowing milk bubbles. She's obviously ready for a nap! Yay! A tiny bit of peace. I shifted her from my lap to my shoulder, and so far so good, she only woke up a little bit...the second I laid her down on the other hand, you'd think I threw cold water on her. WIDE AWAKE. Son of a bitch. Oh well, I was sure she would pass out again in a second. I closed the door and sat down on the couch, immersed in awful kid show hell. Why the fuck is there a 12 hour Scooby Doo marathon on?
30 minutes passes and P walks out holding LG, who is wide awake and happy as a clam. Did she sleep? Nope. That's okay, at least she's happy. LM has wandered outside to the porch, which is fine, we picked some roses for my grandmother. So far, everything is calm. LM decides to start throwing every last one of his toys over the porch. *facepalm* So after dragging him back in the house for a little time out, the obligatory temper tantrum ensues because I won't go get Blankie. Why the fuck should I go get Blankie? YOU threw him off the porch....5 minutes after I got it out of the dryer for you. Wow, glad I wasted time washing him, wouldn't want to throw a dirty blankie in the bushes.
The tantrum lasted about 30 mins, I'm done. I'm going to go take a nap. P takes over. Not 10 minutes later I hear some maniacal giggling outside the window...fuck no, it better not be LM. Of course it is. God forbid Mommy take a nap without some sort of strokey toddler drama. A little yelling ensues between LM and P. Just as I start to nod off, P walks in with LG, oh yay. She falls asleep without too many weird baby noises and I get to sleep. Not an hour later, the wailing begins. Okay, fuckit, I'm up.
Off to my grandmother's house. I lovingly put her roses in the only vase like thing I have, a Coca-Cola glass. I get there and give her her roses that we picked for her...Happy Mother's Day! I expected something in return...I dunno, maybe a Happy Mother's Day for me? Nope, I get a copy of a traffic ticket I got a couple of weeks ago. Woo hoo...just what I always wanted.
So back at home, things degrade from toddler tantrum to pure toddler hell. You know, the one where everything you do or ask is completely ignored followed by yet another tantrum. Repeat until 8pm. Okay, let's go to the store. Might as well get something for dinner. Do I get some kind of nice dinner? I suggest tacos. Tacos it is...at least it's fast. Get home, make tacos, it's a group effort. Do I get to sit down and eat said tacos while there are warm? HEEEEELLLLLLLL no. LG decides she is finally hungry and tired so while I finish up dinner P feeds her. Still fussy she goes to bed, now to feed LM.
Tacos and toddlers do not mix. I really wish I would have thought about this before choosing my Mother's Day dinner. It really just involves cheese and hamburger falling all over the floor. That's okay, I don't really care at this point, I just vacuumed, so it's clean, he can eat it from there instead of the plate. I finally get to eat, tacos are good. Picking up little pieces of hamburger off the floor is not. Bad plan Mommy, bad plan. Oh well, it's now 10pm and if LM doesn't go to bed I might need a vat of Valium. Crappy cartoons: check. Blankie he whined about forever: Check. Toddler actually laying down: ... I must have been dreaming to think this would go smoothly. After the 400th time of yelling OMG JUST LAY DOWN, he's asleep.
Ahhhhh, sweet peace finally at 1am. Yes, it is now past 1am and my Happy Mother's Day is coming to a close. I am sitting here with my dear husband, people watching on City of Heroes. Let me just say, that people watching on CoH, is much more interesting than in real life. This is where the real freak show is. This has been the best part of my Crappy Mother's Day. Though this is the same game that sucked my husband's attention up all day. He actually said earlier today that he didn't know moms were supposed to get anything for Mother's Day. I simply told him, You know all those things I ask that you don't do? Like cleaning the living room, one night of interrupted sleep, not having to deal with the strokey toddler for a little while? Those are the things I really want for Mother's Day. And well, that's mostly true. Dinner and some roses would have been nice. But at the end of the day, my kids are happy (usually), healthy (until Little Man smashes his face into something again) and well adjusHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
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